16 | It's Not Weird to Say I Love You

I’d said everything I needed to say. And I felt like absolute shit about it.

May 27, 2026

Dear readers,

I want to thank the loyal group of you who have been following Annie and Merrick’s story. We’re approaching the half-way mark in this coming of age something-like-a-romance, and our kids still have a lot more growing up, and growing together, to do. In the interest of keeping my creative property safe and my hopes for future publication of this book alive, I’ve decided to move all previously published chapters behind my paywall. New chapters will continue to be FREE for all current subscribers.

New subscribers who wish to start the book from the beginning are welcome to request a 1 month free pass to get caught up. Simply hit reply to this email or email me directly at meg@megoolders.com.

Thank you for your support. 💜

On with the story….

It’s Not Weird to Say I Love You is the story of a fragile new friendship determined to grow stronger in spite of the bullies and beliefs bent on its destruction. A tender, awkward, and at times heart-wrenching tale of first love, buried grief, and found family reminiscent of Eleanor & Park and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, It’s Not Weird… offers an emotional escape from our tech-centered lives to a time when DMs were sent as hand-written notes, scrawled onto napkins and slid into locker vents. When talking outside of school meant talking on the telephone and hoping no one in your house “picked up” and embarrassed you. When trolls had names and faces and sat beside you in home room. When making a connection required the courage to show up, speak up, and open up… just as you are.
New chapters of Annie and Merrick’s story will post every Wednesday morning.
Dive in anytime or join the journey from page one.

Chapter Sixteen

I wanted to write Merrick a note and leave it in his locker the next morning. Now that we were back to being ‘just friends’, I thought he should know what being ‘just friends’ with me would be like.

He was going to hate it.

After ten drafts of anger fueled rants smudged illegible by my tears, I decided to just meet him at his locker and deliver the message to his face so he could see how hurt I was. Because I was hurt. He hurt me. And it didn’t take us stepping over some invisible friend zone barrier to do it.

“I don’t think we should have lunch outside together anymore,” I said before he had a chance to open his mouth.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “How come?”

“People will talk about it,” I said stiffly. “I don’t want them talking about it. And I don’t think you do either.”

He nodded.

“And we probably shouldn’t hang out on the weekends anymore.”

His face dropped and I ignored the twisting feeling in my stomach.

“I just don’t want to deal with my parents making crap up about what we’re doing with each other. I’m sick of it.”

He started to pull a book from his locker in slow motion. I wondered if he even needed that book.

“Can I still call you sometimes?” he asked without looking at me.

“I don’t think so,” I said. “I don’t think you know how to talk to me without making me think something is going on that really isn’t. I don’t want to feel any stupider than I already do.”

“Annie.”

“We’ll see each other in homeroom. And in biology. So, we can talk then. And it’s a free country, so if you want to sit with me at lunch in the cafeteria, I won’t tell you you can’t. But I’ll probably be sitting with Danielle, since she’s the closest thing I have to a friend right now.”

“Annie, I’m-”

“And she’ll be sitting with Drake. So, if you want to test those waters, be my guest.”

The homeroom bell rang and I turned on my heels without saying goodbye. I’d see him again in thirty seconds. And I’d said everything I needed to say.

And I felt like absolute shit about it.

I got to homeroom first and took my seat. I tilted my head down over a fake sheet of notes and draped one hand over the side of my face closest to the door. My hope was not to allow for any eye contact between us when he showed up.

But he didn’t show up.

I took his usual route to first period. And second period.

He wasn’t there either.

When I couldn’t find him at lunch, panic set in. And guilt. A lot of guilt.

Danielle waved me over to her table and I reluctantly sat across from her and Drake. Travis was next to me, but I’d left a good four feet of breathing room between us to keep my appetite for lunch.

“Man, this laying off Iverson crap is going to be so easy if he doesn’t even bother to show up at school.” Drake grinned. “At least I’m still getting my end of the bargain.” He leaned into Danielle’s neck and she pulled away, laughing. Her eyes were down so I couldn’t read them.

“Maybe you should raise the price for playing nice with Frankenstein,” Travis mumbled through his meatball sub. “Why should she get to make all the rules?”

“Dude, I already did,” Drake boasted. “Now she has to let me get to second anytime I have to cut Iverson slack. It’s going to be an amazing week.” He laughed his high-pitched laugh and high fived Travis across the table. My stomach turned over. I glanced at Danielle and met her eyes for an instant. I read shame.

“Uh oh,” Drake mocked, “looks like I’ve upset little Annie. Look at her face… oh god… I just need to say something nasty about her face… who’s going to stop me?” He grabbed Danielle’s hand and pulled it under the table and toward his lap. “Come on, baby,” he whispered. “Try and stop me.”

I shot out of my seat and veered around the table, catching Danielle by the elbow. I tried not to look where her other hand was, but Drake wasn’t being subtle.

“Let’s go,” I said, pulling her backwards until she was forced to turn in her seat and stand up.

“Aw, come on,” Drake moaned, “I wasn’t finished.”

I seethed under his laughter as I half dragged Danielle to the hallway and into the bathroom. I made sure we were alone and then I turned on her. “What the hell are you doing?” I demanded.

“What do you mean?” she asked. She looked shaken. I couldn’t tell if it was from Drake’s molesting her or my dragging her like a rag doll into the bathroom.

“Why are you letting Drake take advantage of you?”

“I’m not,” she said like she actually believed it.

“Danielle. He’s making you do things with him that you don’t want to do.”

“Sometimes I want to do them,” she said sheepishly.

I tried not to gag.

“No, you don’t,” I said.

She stood a little straighter and looked at me like she was going to be the teacher now and I was the one who didn’t know anything.

“I don’t expect you to get it,” she said. “You’ve never had a boyfriend.” She reached out and rubbed my arm like I needed her pity. I yanked it away. “Stuff like that is just part of dating,” she went on. “You do stuff for each other.”

I glared at her. “Even stuff you don’t want to do?”

She looked back at me for a long second and then shrugged. I wanted to scream or dunk her stupid head in the toilet to wake her up. Where did she get this idea? That just because she was dating Drake she should let him sexually assault her in the lunchroom as part of some sick deal he made to stop bullying Merrick. Was that what dating someone was like?

I couldn’t stop myself thinking about Merrick. And what kind of boyfriend he would be. He would be wonderful. And sweet. And patient. And he would never make anyone do something they weren’t ready to do. Or anything that didn’t feel right. Ever.

“Just forget about what I asked,” I said. “Forget about keeping Drake off Merrick’s back. Or mine. I can take care of myself. And I can take care of Merrick.”

She nodded and I felt a pang of worry. I’d be taking care of her now, too.

She took a deep breath and smiled. Maybe to break the silence. Or mask the awkwardness.

“I’m having a party over Memorial Day weekend,” she said. “We’ll have the pool open, even though it’ll be freezing. You guys should come. You and Merrick.”

I raised my eyebrows at her. Was she joking?

“Thanks, but I don’t think so.” There were countless reasons I didn’t want to go to her party. And going with Merrick was out of the question since I just outlawed weekend hangouts for us indefinitely.

“Come on,” she said. “It’ll be really fun. Everybody will be there.”

“Yeah. That’s kind of why I don’t want to go.”

“If you’re worried about Drake, don’t be. He’ll be so drunk he won’t even know you guys are there.”

My chest tightened. “There’s going to be drinking at your house?”

“Yeah,” she said. “There’s always drinking at high school parties.”

“Don’t your parents care?”

“They won’t be there. They’re going to be out of town.”

The weight on my chest grew heavy. I realized I had to go to Danielle’s party. Because I had a bad feeling about what might happen to her there if I didn’t.

“I’ll think about it,” I said.

She smiled and turned to check her makeup in the mirror. The back of her shirt was untucked on one side. I shuddered. Drake probably had his hand under it at some point.

I didn’t bother going back to retrieve my lunch from the cafeteria. It wasn’t worth engaging with Drake and Travis. They’d probably done something disgusting to my food in my absence anyway. Instead, I headed right to Mr. Harrison’s room, figuring I could spend a few minutes cramming for the quiz he had in store for us.

My heart jumped into my throat when I saw Merrick sitting at our table alone. I was happy--but also furious--to see him.

I stormed up the aisle and dropped my backpack on the table.

“Don’t do that!” I shouted.

“Do what?” he asked, flustered by my entrance.

“Disappear like that. I hate that.” I sat down next to him and started pulling my notes out of my backpack.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He was gripping a purple Sharpie in his hand and looking out the window.

“Well? Where were you?” I demanded.

“My aunt came in this morning. We had to have a meeting with the guidance counselor.” I pressed my lips together to make sure I didn’t say anything else until he was finished. “We were in there for a long time. And then she wanted to take me out to lunch.”

He didn’t look at me. And the longer he didn’t the worse I felt about how I’d treated him that morning.

“What was the meeting about?” I asked, my voice less clipped and domineering.

“Same as always,” he said. “Just about me. And what’s wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“You don’t know that,” he said. “Not really.”

I wanted him to look at me, but why would he? I’d shamed him into thinking we couldn’t share anything anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “about yesterday.”

It seemed like so long ago, but it was only yesterday. And since then, I’d treated him like crap for trusting himself and listening to his own heart. Because I wanted him to do something he wasn’t ready to do. Who was I? Drake?!

“Don’t be,” I said. “And forget everything I said this morning. Really. I don’t want any of that. I don’t want to stop hanging out with you. Or talking on the phone with you. I still want to do those things.”

He finally turned to face me, and his eyes were shining with tears. I reached over and took his hand and held it. He squeezed my fingers gently. The lunch bell rang, and he tried to pull his hand away, but I didn’t let him.

“Someone might see,” he said.

“I don’t care,” I said. It was half true. I was worried now that I’d told Danielle to break her agreement with Drake, letting him off his leash to attack Merrick again. But my resolve to keep myself between Drake and Merrick was stronger than my fear of words or looks or rumors. “Are you ready for this quiz?” I asked, sliding my notes across the table as students started to file into the classroom.

“I didn’t study,” he said.

“You’ll cheat off me then.”

“I can’t let you do that,” he said.

“Yes, you can.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my best friend,” I said. “And that’s what best friends do for each other.”

He inhaled sharply and squeezed my hand again.

“Save it, Cry Baby,” I said, elbowing him gently. “Let’s ace this quiz.”

He laughed and sniffed away his tears before they broke through.

“Hell yeah,” he said.